Sunday, December 30, 2012

Burn Out

As 2012 comes to a close & we look back on this past year, one thing seems to be very much in need.....a complete burn out of this phoenix. 2012 was a year filled with many hardships for me starting back on January 1st & I'm coming into the last of the year the way a cartoon character comes into the finish line.....face in the dirt, ass in the air, tears streaming from my eyes & inches from the finish line. 

This year I have had 6 surgeries, I have been bloated out from meds, gained 25 pounds, lost my once in a life time job at Disney, lost the ability to successfully continue my culinary job in a high paced kitchen, had all sorts of health issues & money is once again non-existent. I have spent endless weeks on the couch sick or in pain. Even morned the loss of my dear pet. We've had to deal with ceiling that continued to leak after being fixed & countless mishaps to go along with it all. 2012 just hasn't been a whole lot better then 2011.

There have also been some wonderful moments throughout the year as well. Although I haven't been able to work, I've luckily had some insurance money to fall back on to help out. When I was sick for pretty much all summer, I got to spend part of it watching the Olympics with a good friend cheering on America's athletes. I got to play with my whole family twice this year. I got some of things done on the condo & its looking awesome. The whole time all of the bad was happening, I still had the best partner in the world. He always cared, always helped & always loved me! So there was good amongst the bad, just a lot of bad.

I have been thinking A LOT about the my current phoenix. I burnt out back in 2005 & gave rebirth to the phoenix that became a chef. Prior to this one, was my performing artist phoenix. Both allowing me to fly to great heights & I soared pretty damn high each time. So I am neither scared of a complete change, nor do I fear that I can't do great as that new phoenix. As I look back, it just makes more & more since that it's time for a burn out & very much time for a new rising! So I am getting ready now for a change into the new me. I guess I'm just too big of a fish to stay in a little here's to a new me & greater 2013!

Friday, December 21, 2012

Dear Santa....

This year I have been doing my best to be a good boy. There are so many things that I'd like to have under the tree.
Here are just a few things that I'd really like....
Lots of snow!! Not the freezing cold kind...but the soft wafting kind....

I want songs of the season sung loud as if the angels themselves are singing for us....
I would love to have a Christmas Tree filled with the colors of all the seasons....
I wish that we not forget the meaning for the reason of the season....
Above ALL else....I wish everyone LOVE....
Not just a little love but hearts so full of love that it turns stone to sand & bad into pure joy.
This is my Christmas List this year.

Tuesday, December 18, 2012

Big Golden Moment

Just the other day, I was sitting on the couch with my honey. We had music going in the background as we chatted away about anything & everything as we usually do. At some moment it dawned on me that I HAVE to give myself another Gold Moment!

I shattered both my left wrist & left ankle in a life changing auto accident 19 months ago. I was on 2 different pain killers at max dosage just to help me get through the day. As time went on I was still having terrible pain in my ankle & was put on an additional pain killer to help with the intense nerve pain. I had 6 surgeries within a year, so add in all the pain killers for those. Due to my Prostitus, I have spent 7 months on antibiotics alone not including all the other reasons I've have to be on them. I even got my first root canal this past summer. I've literally, at times, had to write down which med I was taking when or else I'd really have been messed up.

Emotionally...I have handled blow after blow after blow. I have had to stress like crazy about what work was going to do with me to the stress of now what to do after they've dropped me. Going from being on top of the Disney culinary world to not being hired because I'm a liability. I've had endless nights of me staring off into the ceiling worrying about cysts & cancers & blood tests & outcomes & pets & even loss. I'm constantly facing emotional obstacles that truly RIP & TEAR at the soul! I mean just as you think you've hit rock find that it was only a bump on the way down & the ground that you just landed on is only a thin pane of glass....

Yet.....thru ALL THIS CRAP.....I have not one new addiction! I can honestly say that I have NOT found refuge in a bottle of meds NOR in a bottle of alchol NOR in a gun!!! Even against my own Sun Sign Pisces, thank heavens I am also a Dragon (read the opening blog for a refresher). I soooo very easily could have, just like SO many others, taken a dark path that I might not have been able to come out of. Instead.....I have kept my head up! I had a ton of love & support from the most wonderful of people...which kept me plugging forward. I have some of the HUGEST role models right within the family...guiding my way.

So I proudly take this Gold Moment! I will be glad to say that I did it & without any escapism other then my own creative mind. Matter of fact, because I am being partly forced into it, I am that much more driven to start my own business! There is also a HUGE Bonus gold point for being able to quit smoking & have stayed smoke free now for 1 year & 7 months...during all this!!!!!


Saturday, December 15, 2012

To Heaven...Fly Little Ones

Again....a MOST POINTLESS lose of many beautiful lives!!!!

Today......even the heavens weep for the lives lost in the Conn. school....

May God Bless the families who lost a loved one & may God carry them to the heavens so they can continue to dance & play!!

Tuesday, December 11, 2012

The Oddest of Sweet Cakes we all know by now that I'm looking to start up my own cupcake shop. We also know that I've been dreaming cupcakes for awhile & constantly come up with new ideas. are a few odd ones for your consideration.....

Salmon Moose Cupcake
Double Chocolate Bacon

Okra Cakes

Tomato & Baked Beans

Fried Chicken
Caramelized Onion & vanilla bean
And last but not least....
Scorpion Cakes
Soooo....what do you think?!?!

Friday, December 7, 2012

Dreaming Into Reality

Now that it's December & almost the end of 2012, one looks around & wonders.... where has the year gone?! Life has continued to swiftly move forward while I'm still struggling to keep up. What money I did have is dwindling away faster then cookies & egg nog go through Santa! I have been applying for jobs for some time now. I've submitted resumes for everything from culinary to clerical, all to no avail. See I'm still dealing with all of the after shocks from the accident & unfortunately it's all been working against me...BUT that's a totally different story for a different day.

Since early October, I've been having dreams of cupcakes. Yes....still! Each time I mention my dreams to others, I'm told how great of an idea it is. People actually seem to get generally excited & ask a lot of different questions. I've also read up on dreams & their meanings. With re-occurring dreams, "you" should probably pay very close attention to what's being repeated in the dreams, to how you feel when waking up from them, & to how often you have them because it all indicates that it's highly mentally important to you. The "cupcakes" side of the dreams has lots of different interpretations, but when breaking the dreams down, the "cupcake" is most likely my mind finding something that I CAN do & would enjoy!

Now I've been doing a lot of different research on cupcake businesses & surprising's actually a pretty good idea. Cupcakes have become more & more popular in replacing cakes for parties, gathering, meetings & even weddings! Food Network even has a show called "Cupcake Wars" which goes to show how many companies are out there. I've also researched local businesses & to my surprise....I'm sitting in THE most PRIME location to be able to service 2 cities with lots of cash-flow & no other competitors in the area. Plus I am only 20 minutes to the business district & amusement hubs.

I also have the knowledge not only to make extremely tasty, original & beautifully designed cupcakes but I also have a lot of business knowledge. I worked in some of the largest companies in the US & even the world. I've worked for my father's small company seeing how small business works. I also have had the privilege of getting to know a brilliant man who took a bankrupt company to an empire. Hell, I've even held just about every position between File Clerk to Chef. I was also offered Head Chef jobs for 4 different restaurants in 4 different states from repeat guests who were just amazed at what I was doing. I was even told by numerous management & chefs at the Grand Floridian that I could/should open my own place.

I know I have the knowledge to run a great business....I know I have the passion to run a great business....I know what it takes to run a great'm going to open my own business!! I've already narrowed my company name down to two choices & I'm working on getting my logo designed. I have filled out some of different paperwork & am working on my business plan so I can get financing. Hopefully early 2013, I will be open for business!

Tuesday, December 4, 2012

Another Gold Moment

You all know the classic "Jingle Bells" written some many moons ago. I'm also pretty sure that you've heard personalized words to go along with the song, if not made up a few of your own. Well years ago, back when I was around 11 or 12, I too wrote my own set of lyrics to go with the tune. I then made it our family answering machine message during the holidays but had to censor damn day to the way at my parents request. All these years later, I still believe these lyrics hold true to today's standards & are a fun version of the song we all know. So here...a direct blast from my past & my first (that I can think of) verbal publishing of a song. This was the start of what leads to literally hundreds of songs I've written & even a few that I've had published. So as you read it, keep the sound of jingling bells in mind while reading.

"Message Tells"

Dashing through the streets
In a rag top Chevrolet
Gotta get to the mall
'Cause Christmas is on it's way

Wrapping Christmas presents
Or putting up Christmas lights
What fun it is to think of the bills
Later on at night *oh-no*

Jingle Bells, Feet Sure to Swell
Jingle all damn day
Leave your name & leave your number
And we'll get back to you right away...HAY!

Jingle Bells, Frost-bitten tails
Sneezing all the way
Leave a message at the sound of the tone
And say what you have to say...HAY!

Happy Holidays from our family to yours!!

Friday, November 30, 2012

Guess It's Time Once Again

I was reading my daily horoscope which has a link for a tarot reading. I always enjoy asking questions & seeing what comes up. Now I usually don't take them to serious as it's through a computer & our own personal energies are not part of the actual cards for a true reading. BUT...every now & again...the reading is great & hits home & sometimes right in the gut! "The question asked was: ????"   meaning....I'm not sure what to ask so just guild me...

Self-what is going on within you
The Moon
Layers of illusion are removed; your essential self is disclosed.

With the Moon in this position, you are cast into your deepest unknown. Not to be seen as either bad or good, this is an opportunity to penetrate your inner life. You may be familiar with this experience or you may never have experienced it before in your life.

You are moving between worlds, shifting and modifying. Reality changes from hour to hour; your rational mind has deserted you, leaving instinct and intuition as your guides. All the architecture of civilization has been stripped from your personality and you are naked unto yourself. (Interesting enough, this is also the card that represents Pisces)

Situation-the surrounding energies
Eight of Wands
You are caught in a vortex of intensifying demands.

The Eight of Wands in this position indicates that you are running to keep up with people and circumstances that seem to be out of control. Being proactive may be difficult now. Stimulating events may demand too much of your attention.

You are caught up in a high tide of escalating consequences. This can be an exciting, if exhausting, time and you could be tested on every level as you move forward. Sometimes it takes courage to cope with the confusion of chaotic changes

Challenges-what needs to be concentrated on
Nine of Pentacles
Protect all areas of your health to increase your vigor and self-reliance.

The Nine of Coins in this position challenges you to stay healthy and fit -- emotionally, physically and psychologically. Don't let yourself become soft and out of shape. You can't expect this period of relative abundance and support to last forever.

Even in the best of situations there are fluctuations. No situation is permanent or immune to change. As you proceed on your way, be aware of maintaining your muscle tone as well as your intellectual and emotional vigor. Use this situation to improve yourself and prepare for whatever may come next.

Believe in them or not....the really interesting part....I picked these 3 cards.....3 different times....over 3 weeks....never the same time or day.....yet I ask a different question & get different cards....

I think it's time once again for this Phoenix to burn out & rise again.........

Tuesday, November 27, 2012

Thank U

Thank U

How bout getting off these antibiotics...
How bout stopping eating when I'm full up...
How bout them transparent dangling carrots...
How bout that ever elusive kudo...

Thank You...India
Thank You...Terror
Thank You...Disillusionment
Thank You...Frailty
Thank You...Consequence
Thank You...Thank You...Silence

How bout me not blaming you for everything...
How bout me
enjoying the moment for once...
How bout how good it feels to finally forgive you...
How bout grieving it all one at a time...

Thank You...India
Thank You...Terror
Thank You...Disillusionment
Thank You...Frailty
Thank You...Consequence
Thank You...Thank You...Silence

...the moment I let go of it...was the moment I got more than I could handle

...the moment I jumped off of it...was the moment I touched down

How bout no longer being masochistic...
How bout remembering your divinity...
How bout unabashedly bawling your eyes out...
How bout not equating death with stopping...

Thank You...India
Thank You...Providence
Thank You...Disillusionment
Thank You...Nothingness
Thank You...Clarity

Thank You...Thank You...Silence.......AM

Thursday, November 15, 2012

Life In A Snow Globe World

I think we all have, at one time or another, picked up a snow globe & given it a good shake! Up flies all the white stuff as snow or glitter for a starry sky. The scene below sits frozen in time as the flakes swirl around them. Depending on the strength of the shake or the whirl of the wrist, those pieces spin & drift until finally settling into their resting places. Then....we shake again! Watching the same scenario repeat...again & again & again.

Lately, life seems to be resembling these such...snow...globes. Here we are in the middle of a warm scene from our life. Looking around....things seem...normal (or whatever that word is supposed to mean) but it all looks to be in place. Everything is going along nicely. No reason for alarm or concern.


Our peaceful utopia is thrown into complete chaos! The ground all of the sudden starts shaking & quaking. We're rocked from side to side vigorously as a dizzying spin sets in. Everything around us is now in a frenzied whirling...pelting us over & over & over & over & over again. Raking our skin...tearing at our sensitive selves. We try to move but find we are glued to the floor. No matter how hard we pull & tug...we're not going anywhere...we're stuck! So we pray for help or swear to the heavens...either way...the only way through to weather out the storm.

Things start to settle down. The blasting elements...slowing down. Calmer waters come & we brush off the debris & cover up the wounds. Breathe a deep sigh of relief that we made it through that terrible time. We see things start to fall back into place & are happy being back to that obligatory "normal" once again.


Our peaceful utopia is thrown into complete chaos all over again! The ground shakes & quakes. We're rocked from side to side vigorously as a dizzying spin sets in. Another frenzied whirling of sharp & painful objects fills the sky. Belting us over & over & over & over & over again. Ripping at bruised hearts...tearing at our sacred souls. Again being unable to run or hide or even duck. So we pray for forgiveness or swear off altogether...either way...the only way through to weather out the storm...again.

Once again things start to settle down & those damaging more then a soft falling leaf. Calmer waters come & we shake the debris off & do our best to hide the scars. Taking more deep breaths & praise that yet again we made it through. We see things getting back into place & are happy being able to return to "normal" once again.

Then.....IT.....happens.....again....& again....& again....& much so that the worlds of "normal" & that of chaos become so swirled that they begin to blur into one.......giant........storm......

I'm really tired of living in a snow globe......

Thursday, November 8, 2012


You and I are in the same room
We both think we're fair
We both live for truths
But then how are we to define something so subjective
Living under the same roof
So here, these battles of wills
They beg for some proof
Of right versus wrong
Your approach seen as better than mine
Though it's working for you all I feel is disconnection

So now it's your...(your) religion...'gainst my....(my) religion
My humble opinion...'gainst yours
This does not feel like love
It's your....(your) conviction....'gainst my....(my) conviction
And I'd like to know what we'd see
Through the lens of love… love… love… love

And so now your grand assessment
Is that I'm not in your group that I'm not your kind
And so we're locked in a stalemate with you
In your corner and me dismayed in mine
And this stance keeps us locked in boxing gloves
And this lie remains about us being separate

So now it's your...(your) religion...'gainst my....(my) religionMy humble opinion...'gainst yours
This does not feel like love
It's your....(your) conviction....'gainst my....(my) conviction
And I'd like to know what we'd see
Through the lens of love… love… love… love
Thank you Alanis for once again writing a song that truly applies to life!! Especially at this time when we as a country are divided over simple things like elections & candidates. Let's stop the arguing & focus on the love!

Wednesday, November 7, 2012


My most current horoscope regarding career for a PiscesDragon: You're eager to break new ground, and the professional weather is obliging. Test the soil with your foot and then dig in with the ferocity of a tunneling canine.....

Is this telling me something......

4 More Years


Monday, November 5, 2012

Sweet Dreams talk cupcakes....yes...cupcakes! 

For over a week now, I've been waking up from dreaming about cupcakes. It started out from a dream where I owned my own cupcake business. I was running around, getting things done, busily working away. When I woke up....I awoke happy. Well more then that...I woke up...inspired! I came down stairs & told Dave all about it. I mean I was actually excited & all from a dream.

Every night since, I've dreamt of cupcakes. I wake in the morning to new ideas for different flavors of cupcakes. I always come down stairs & jot notes down about my dream & ideas from it. The cutest thing, since I've been having these dreams & leaving notes around the desk, Dave bought me a cute little note pad with cupcakes on them for me to jot things down on. He's soooo awesome to me!!
Now, not all of my dreams consist of new cupcake ideas. I've had some other fun dreams, but somehow they come back around to---or take place at---or something cupcakes! I've had dreams of being able to light the icing on fire. It was quit a spectacle in my dream to have these rows of cupcakes purposely on fire. Upon telling Dave about the dream, he reminded me about Baked Alaska pie where the top gets fired. So...another good idea. One of my favorite dreams was that mom (who was working for me in my dream) & I got into a cupcake fight. Icing everywhere, the store was a mess, we were laughing our asses off. Then someone came into the store & we started pelting them with cupcakes. I actually awoke laughing...out loud! I remember actually hearing myself which is what woke me. Then my cat Kyra was sitting up & looking at me all perplexed. I just wanted to fall right back to sleep & right back into that dream. VERY fun dream!

Some of the cupcake ideas I've had are....mojito (lemon cake with delicate mint icing), raspberry swirl cake with amaretto icing, sprinkle cake with bubble gum flavored icing for the kids, Pineapple upside-down rum cake with smooth glaze icing, chocolate cake with blood orange icing....the list goes on & on. Almost every morning I wake up with new ideas & flavor combos. Just sitting here typing this out & I've came up with 2 more ideas. For some reason I'm starting to think all things cupcakes!!

Monday, October 29, 2012

Lyrical Halloween

Sorry I'm not home right now
I'm walking into spiderwebs
So leave a message
And I'll call you back
A likely story, but (Yeah) leave a message
And I'll call you back................................ND
Well, I ain't evil, I'm just good lookin'
Start a little fire, and baby start cookin'
I'm a hungry man
But I don't want pizza
I'll blow down your house
And then I'm gonna eat ya

Bring you to a simmer
Right on time
Run my greasy fingers
Up your greasy spine

Feed my Frankenstein
Meet my libido
He's a psycho
Feed my Frankenstein
Hungry for love
And it's feeding time......................AC

Their brands were still on fire
And their hooves were made of steel
Their horns were black and shiny
And their hot breath he could feel
A bolt of fear went through him
As they thundered through the sky
He saw the riders coming hard
Heard their mournful cry
Ghost riders in the sky
Flirting with disaster
Mornign after killing me again
Hiding from the laughter
And the demons dancing round my brain
Always dancing on thin ice
I guess I'll have to pay the price
Hey, Hey, Do the Zombie Stomp
Thinking how it could have been
If I had never let them in
Hey, Hey, Do the Zombie, Zombie Stomp............OO
The sound of shoes
A shadow that moves
Something odd is tic tac ticking
Someone's in here
I'm so full of fear
The telephone is ringing

Now I can see you
Oh no, please no
Now I can touch you
Oh god, please go
I am right here now
Oh please, tell me where
Ha ha ha ha
I'm in a nightmare
You better run
I'm back to haunt you down

Halloween, in the death of the night, hear me scream
I'm coming, I'm coming
Halloween, is the fear that I fight, in my dream
Keep running, keep running.................Aqua

Saturday, October 13, 2012

What A Beautiful Day!

My eyes slowly start to flutter open, morning light pouring into the room. As I'm draggin' my ass outta bed, a happy thought washes over me. While my coffee is heating, I'm checkin' the local weather....Sunny with scattered clouds, 86 degrees, no rain predicted....BEACH DAY!!!!! 

I grab my beach bag (always filled with beach stuff), flip-flops & off I go. I'm enjoying my coffee while driving down the down in the Jeep...Matchbox 20's newest album North, helping to get the groove started for the day. The sky clear & sunny with a few light puffy clouds, like angels had left balls of cotton blowing around. I mean just nothing but beautiful ahead of me!

I also apparently wasn't the one thinking that same idea. Rightly's been rainy a lot lately which has kept my white butt away from my sun spot. So I end up having to park a full parking lot down from my usual place. As I step out of my Jeep that beautiful sound of waves lapping at the beach beckons me onward!

Ahhhhhhhh.....the BEACH! The sand warm as I crush my toes into it for the first time. Nothing but bright blue skies mirroring the ocean into the beyond. Beach-goers tanning themselves on towels of all colors of the spectrum. People playing in the ocean that is 80 degrees of warm wonderful. I pick out my spot, lay out my beach blanket & lotion up because skin protection is important!

First thing I do is set my mind free & meditate into a state of complete bliss. I take the time to send out my thanks & prayers & best wishes. Then I sit & just soak up the environment. Let the wind go through me, taking with it all negativities, sorrows, & hurts. Let the sun boil out impurities & bring warmth, brightness, radiance & a much needed dose of Vitamin D!

I then return this Pisces to Titan's home. I walk out letting the waves draw me into it. With each wave more of the negative & bad are washed out to deep sea. With each new wave also brings nourishment to mind & soul. I swim around & splash as much as I want. I body surf back into shallower waters then back onto my blanket & allow myself to just drip dry. What a beautiful day it's been!

I then take out my music player & press play. As Alanis sings to me my life songs, I start walking. I walk up & down the beach for 2 hours. Walking on the beach I've met quit a many unique & interesting people. Today I even met a chef from France! I often will also stop & gather seashells & pick up others trash, hey each thing we do helps our beautiful planet!

I also love drawing in the wet sand & letting the waves wash it away. I will often write a prayer or name of someone who needs some extra energy & let the ocean sweep it out to be taken care of. Like as if God washes it away once its been noted. So you all get a special blessing/positive energies from me each time I go. Again, just doing my part in sending out positive energies!

Then as the day starts to break into night, I make my departure. Never sad that the day has ended but thrilled that I had such an incredible day! Top down on the Jeep for the drive home as Pink keeps me grooving with her new album, Truth About Love. Arriving back home & into the arms of my love!

What an Incredible & BEAUTIFUL Beach day it had turned out to be!!!!!!

Wednesday, October 10, 2012

Light Of A Clear Blue Morning

It's been a long dark night
And I've been a waitin' for the morning
It's been a long hard fight
But I see a brand new day a dawning
I've been looking for the sunshine
'Cause I ain't seen it in so long
But everything's gonna work out just fine
Everything's gonna be all right
That's been all wrong

'Cause I can see the light of a clear blue morning
I can see the light of a brand new day
I can see the light of a clear blue morning
And everything's gonna be all right
It's gonna be okay

It's been a long long time
Since I've known the taste of freedom
And those clinging vines
That had me bound, well I don't need 'em

'Cause I am strong and I can prove it
And I got my dreams to see me through
It's just a mountain, I can move it
And with faith enough there's nothing I can't do

And I can see the light of a clear blue morning
And I can see the light of brand new day
I can see the light of a clear blue morning
And everything's gonna be all right
It's gonna be okay

I can see the light of a clear blue morning
I can see the light of a brand new day
Yes I can see the light of a clear blue morning
And everything's gonna be all right
Everything's gonna be all right
Everything's gonna be all right
It's gonna be okay.......................................DP

Monday, October 1, 2012

Season's Change

MMMMmmmm.....can you smell it?! It's here and it's starting to feel good! The first feeling of Fall...Autumn....changing from boil to chilled. I love seeing the colors go from bright greens to purple & gold & orange & yellow & red!

(Minnetonka, Minnesota)
Its the time of year when Mother Nature starts to pull inward before winter. Unneeded things are shed & seeds are quickly sowed for the next year. Time to harvest the summers growth & prepare for the winter freeze.
(Flagstaff, Arizona)
The crisp early air as you walk out the front door & see your breath for the first time & yet it doesn't feel 'that cold' yet.

(Flagstaff Aspen)
Along soon comes the scents of autumn. The scent of pine or spruce on a fire as it crackles & pops. Or driving down a street & all the sudden you notice right away that someones BBQing just because your windows are finally open. Opening up the front door to the surprising but oh so tantalizing aroma of pumpkin bread or pumpkin pie wafting through the room.

(Homemade Pumpkin Pie)
Some of my memories of autumn are some of my fondest. Memories of my childhood in the mountains of Flagstaff. Memories of partying with friends in Minnesota. Memories of walks after dinner blowing off steam from the day. It's a beautiful time of year...indeed!

(walking behind friends in Minnesota)